𝔹𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙, 𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙, 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 = 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖. Not all life looks the same but every life leaves an imprint and changes those who are acquainted with that life.

I think of this day 5 years ago and I feel I was given the greatest honour. I held life and watched life slip away. I felt love, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I felt my soul transform, my heart grow and break simultaneously. Changed forever by the greatest and hardest gift I have ever been given.

My son died of a broken heart, it was as if our hearts were one. Both totally broken, Teddy’s stopped beating and mine left wondering how it could keep going amongst the brokenness.

As I reflect on this brokenness I see all the healing I have done, all the gratitude I have found, and the purpose his life has given me. For me, at times my faith was the only thing to carry me. To know my brokenness was held in God’s hands and he held me while giving me the strength to see light in my darkest days.

If Teddy’s life can teach you anything, it would be that you too can find the light on those dark days. You need to look for your lighthouse. The weight of your burdens won’t always feel as heavy. It is hard to see that when you are in the eye of the storm, and when you are coming up for air, continually being hit by another wave, but trust me. Hold on, someone, something, is coming to help carry the load until it lessens.

My heart will always have a Teddy shaped hole. I will always see him missing. He will always hold his place in our family. But my heart is filled with joy, love and peace. Ryan and I live our lives with intention, and that includes honouring our third son. He will forever be our son, our love, and our pride and joy. We miss him, especially on a day like today. We wish celebrating his birthday looked different, we feel all that we have lost but we will always choose this over never have had him a part of our family. He is worth the tears, he has given us more than he has taken. Today we are sad, our hearts feel heavy but with that peace is present along with gratitude and some joy. We feel blessed.

Happy 5th Birthday Teddy! I hope Poppa makes today special for you. ❤️ You both are loved and missed beyond measure.