What a beautiful afternoon today was. Your brothers played around you, shared lunch at your grave and embodied what being a free spirit really means. As they ran up and down the hill holding hands, laughing, and falling down my heart sang.
I know you were there with us. I know there are times you wish things were different as well. Jack told me today that you were crying and that you needed me. Truth is you have me, you have all of me and more. My heart is all of yours and will always will be no matter how much time passes and how tight or loose my grip is. You are my heart. Every beat my heart beats is for you.
I felt such peace as when we were together today. I wasn’t sad, nor happy but simply at ease. Life since the moment you left my world has been forever changing. I am so grateful today that I was there with you, your brothers and with the sun shining bright and the water glistening. It truly was beautiful.
Life often feels unfair and rather random. I know there is purpose and reason but my heart can’t help but hurt for those who like me had to say good bye to someone when their love runs so deep it feels like an impossible task to do, yet aren’t given any other option.
Theodore, my sweet baby boy, I love you. I am always here, you never need to need me, I am only a light flicker, static in my ears, smelling your scent, or a windshield wiper wipe away. You are forever in my heart and on my mind.
Your forever loving Mommy.