About

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Love notes to Theodore are written by me, his loving Mother. This is our journey living without him in our physical world. We believe he is always with us in spirit.  Theodore was a child who was very much wanted, in fact he was loved and dreamed of long before he ever started to grow in my womb. He is the third and final child for our family.

Theodore’s journey was always going to be short, we just didn’t know it at the time. He was created in 2013, and then frozen and chilled out in the freezer in Ottawa until he was transferred in 2015. All was well and we were beyond excited to welcome him into our home and have him join in on the fun with his brothers Jack and Patrick! We had 3 boys under 3 years. Now that was going to be a fun and love filled home!

We went for our routine anatomy scan at 20 weeks, never in a million years thinking anything could possibly be wrong. The next day Ryan and I were off to South Carolina for a wedding and then going to Hawaii for a convention and holiday.  As we were pulling into the airport we got the call from our midwife that little Theodore has a congenital heart condition. We were told our birth plan would have to change, he would need open heart surgery once born, but what is wrong can be fixed. We returned home from our trip and went to get a fetal echocardiogram. At that time we were told that his heart had way more issues than anyone originally thought and there was no chance he would survive after birth.  It was strongly suggested we terminate our pregnancy. The next day we met with our high risk OB and again it was suggested that we terminate. He explained how hard emotionally it would be to carry a baby knowing they wouldn’t live. This wasn’t an option for us. Not even for one second did we consider terminating our dear Teddy before his journey was over. It is our belief that he chose us to be his parents and my job as a Mother was to love Theodore through his journey and it was his choice to choose when this journey would end. Carrying him for 30 weeks was the most blessed experience I have personally encountered. We asked for a second opinion. We were told it wasn’t necessary but if we wanted one we could go to SickKids hospital in Toronto.  A week later we were at SickKids and were given a chance for surgery, he still had a multitude of issues but they were optimistic he would make it full term, and once he was born we would either have about 24 hours before he would pass away or he would be a candidate for surgery. We left feeling a sliver of hope and at peace.

At 28 weeks pregnant we went back to SickKids for a routine fetal echocardiogram. At this appointment it was confirmed Theo was in heart failure and he would only have hours to a few days before he would pass away. We knew Theodore’s journey was coming to an end. Ten days went by and each day I would either go to my OB’s office or the midwife would come to my house to check and see if our little Theo still had a heartbeat.

In these ten days we came to terms with his passing, I went to our last prenatal yoga class knowing it would be our last. Our amazing photographer came to the class to capture these moments for us. We met with our Minister to start the planning of his service, we found a plot where he would lay to rest, designed his foot stone and sorted out all the hard details.

Finally the day came when I was becoming sick and my health was deteriorating and I needed to be induced, on Tuesday December 8, 2015. We were incredibly blessed with an OB and a Midwife who were beyond supportive and were with us every step of the way. The room was filled with the most loving care providers. All the nurses involved had attended the birth of either Jack or Patrick and our OB and Midwife had involvement in the birth of both boys prior to Theodore.

Wednesday December 9, 2015 Theodore Rutherford Williams was born weighing 5lbs 11oz into a room full of love. His heartbeat took its last beat after 22 minutes and he passed away in my loving arms while laying on my chest heart to heart.

We celebrated Theodore’s life on Friday December 18, 2015. It was a beautiful service at the Eastminister United Church in Belleville, with prayers graveside and followed by a private reception at a local restaurant. It was a beautiful loving day.

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4 thoughts on “About

  1. Hello there beautiful momma 💜 I love reading your words, your openness and honesty. You probably hear this often but you truly are an inspiration. I’ve never left a comment on a blog before but I find myself trying new things since my daughter, my first born, Alessandra passed. 8 months ago she was born still at 40 weeks. No explanation or answers. Finding peace and joy in each day, in each moment is critical to me. So thank you for your words 💜 Happy belated Mother’s Day 💛

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry Allessandra couldn’t stay longer. What a beautiful name she has 💞. I have met some of the most amazing woman because of the common thread of loss we share. This journey is hard and I am so sorry you are walking this path. I hope you find some peace and your heart will be able to feel at ease one day. So much love you and your beautiful and precious Allessandra.

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  2. My condolences for your loss. Children are a gift and losing a child is something that few really understand. Even a brief life offers so much that is special. My Daughter Katie Lindsey Rose, died July 1992. She was just five weeks old. Katie had suffered from congenital heart disease. I held Katie after she died and will never forget Katie as a person as my daughter. Please know that you are never alone.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Katie. ❤️ thank you for telling me about her. I also really appreciate you taking time and reading about Theodore. I am sure little Katie welcomed Theodore over as they have the common bond of being heart babies. 💞🐘💞

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