My Dearest Theodore,
I woke up this morning feeling concerned our journey was coming to an end and I just learned it truly is. I am showing signs that it is no longer safe for us to enjoy just a few more days together. I feel like the nose bleed I had last night was you telling me that I need to listen to my body not my heart. I am so conflicted. I am profoundly sad because I treasure every kick and roll I feel with you. I love how easy it is to feel connected to you. I would hold you inside of me forever given the option. Your Dad and your brothers also need me. My love for all three of you is so huge, it feels overwhelming.
We will be going back to the hospital soon. I am excited to see you, to kiss your face, to hold you on my chest, and for a moment pretend these moments will last a life time. I feel a sense of peace knowing I don’t hold the power to control your journey, I am just a part of it and feel blessed you chose me to be your Mother for the lead role.
I am going to meet you soon. I love you today, and forever and pretty much everyday my heart beats and then into any other life I may live. My love for you will always live on.
I pray I have the strength to give birth to you and I am able to provide you with an environment where you feel the love as you enter; where I have no fear for what the future holds and I am simply able to embrace the time we have together. I will face what comes next once our final goodbyes are said and then I will find my way to being the new me. You changed me forever and I am grateful.
I love you Theodore.
Your loving Mommy.