We will visit soon. . . 

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Theodore my love.

I can’t believe how life has gone back to normal around us. I feel like the world is still turning at the regular consistent speed, yet mine has three speeds it can be standing still, turning backwards or crawling forward. How can I let my world turn at rate it did before, the weight of your loss is so heavy it would seem impossible to have that momentum again. Frankly I am not sure I ever want to live at the speed again.I feel guilty we haven’t visited you graveside for awhile. It is such a beautiful spot and I do want to be there. I feel like you aren’t there anyway. Your remains are but your spirit is busy doing God’s work. You seem to be showing up everywhere lately for me. I am always grateful when you do even if I am visible thrown off a bit. Please meet at the grave when we do go. ❤️

I love you my Dear Theodore. My heart screams for your love, and my arms ache to hold you.

If you were healthy you probably would have been born this week sometime. It is hard to think I could have a newborn baby right now. Your brothers would love it if we did. They would be so good to you. I can see them both pushing you in the swing way too hard and me having to tell them both to be gentle over and over again. They would bring you toys you couldn’t play with and try to feed you food you can’t eat yet. It would all be out of love, just as Jack did all these things when Ditty was a baby.

Love you, forever my angel.

Your loving Mommy

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