Dearest Theodore,

My heart is heavy, I feel like loss surrounds me. My heart hurts for those who feel the weight of loosing a person they love. True love that is held deep in your heart doesn’t recognize the age of the person, the amount of time spent together, and what they have or haven’t accomplished in their life. The heart only knows you love them and the rest doesn’t matter. The more you love the heavier the loss.

There was a time, actually most of my life until recently when I truly felt that happiness wasn’t hard to find. My perspective was one that if you weren’t happy, then simply be present and look around. By doing so you will notice the little things that bring joy to people. I am more present than ever, I live moment to moment as my days roll on. For a couple weeks I was feeling as if those years were a lie. Of course I could easily find happiness, I hadn’t had a tragedy that ever shook me to my core, and I never lost something that I desperately wanted back with nothing I could do to change it. So Ya it was easy. I realized today that happiness is still easy to find, it is the lens we view the world through that can be hard to change.

Theodore my love how do I change this lens on days when I feel like the only thing that will bring me peace is you? When my longing for you is so powerful, my tears can’t be stopped? When the bricks can’t be lift from my chest and I feel like putting one foot before the other is a task too big? How my love, my greatest teacher?

Many days I can put life into perspective and changing this lens is doable. Then there are the days that it seems like the only option is to surrender to my reality, and hope as the sun rises in the morning it will bring a whole new set of emotions and ones that are easier to see the joy and happiness around us.

I love you Theodore. Today, I will simply surrender and wait.

Your forever loving Mommy.