So I just need to Thank you, once again I have felt a shift. I know you are always near. You never feel far from me. I was so incredibly sad last Monday. I had bought you two gifts and wanted to place them at your stone. When I arrived it was frozen over.
I had so many emotions. I had moments of anger. Had you been buried a row over either way I would have been able to see where your stone lays and able to place the gifts. It felt like a sick joke. I had moments of sadness, knowing I was going to a baby shower for a wonderful friend who is due in a couple weeks and two other amazing friends would be there who recently had beautiful baby boys. The four of us were all supposed to have our baby boys together, I couldn’t be happier to be celebrating the new little man and spend time with the other two boys who have completely stollen my heart but I couldn’t help feel sad knowing that was the evening ahead of me and I couldn’t even see your grave.
As I was driving, shedding tears of complete sadness feeling the weight of your loss my windshield wipers start to go. I checked to see if they were on auto and malfunctioned and of course they weren’t. It was you wiping the tears from your Mom’s eyes. I love when you show me how close you really always are to me.
Tonight as I was setting the table for dinner, I stop and held the rock I had bought for you and touched the elephant. I started to think of when this week I would be able to go and place them since it has been raining so much and I realized what a blessing it has been to have these gifts in our home before bringing them to you. Every day at least a few times a day, I stop and hold your rock, I trace the word LOVE that is engraved in it and touch your elephant. I now know this is the gift, the gift will carry my energy, and they will have spent time with us which makes these gifts that much more meaningful. In fact they have sat on our table since I brought them home, it is like you are with us at every meal.
I love the way you work. I love the lessons you teach me. I love the way in which the lessons are delivered. Thank you my love. I couldn’t be more proud to be your Mom. I feel so incredibly blessed.
You are my Forever Son, Theodore
Your forever loving Mommy.